Furious 7

 “Why did I ever hang out with these people?” Early in Furious 7, Vin Diesel and Michelle Rodriguez attend a street race: it seems quaint by the series’ now overblown standards. “What’s the point in racing without explosions and deadly helicopters?” The pair look vaguely embarrassed: a big-shot couple attending a high school reunion. Slack-jawed classmates fawn over them. “Hey Vinnie! It’s Matt – remember me? You still race, Vinnie?”** “Not anymore,” replies a gravelly voice, “I perform ludicrous stunts in ludicrous locations with Ludacris.”

INT. CEO’S OFFICE – UNIVERSAL PICTURES – DAY

Summer, 2013.

Fast & Furious 6 has grossed a silly amount of money. Not Despicable Me 2 silly. But still quite a lot.

Universal’s CEO meets with its director, JUSTIN LIN.

CEO:      Sweet Jerusalem, how do these movies keep making more and more money!?

JUSTIN LIN:         Simplistic plots? Exciting set pieces? The easy-going, ethnically-diverse cast? A tongue-in-cheek tone?

CEO:      Hey – I know how we could make twice as much money! If we bring them out every single year!

JUSTIN LIN:         That’s impossible! My series will not be prostit–

CEO:      Your series?

JUSTIN LIN:         I’ve directed four of these. They make five times as much as when I started.

CEO:      How DARE you! You’re fired!! Go back to making that paintball episode of Community!

Justin Lin walks away.

CEO: (over intercom) Nancy, get me some other Asian director. Preferably a horror auteur with zero action movie experience? James Wan, yes! I don’t care if he’s Australian, let’s get rolling!

To say that Furious 7 had a troubled production is an understatement. Its screenplay is like rushed spaghetti: tangled yet half-baked.***  Jason Statham’s vendetta. Michelle Rodriguez’s amnesia. Vin Diesel’s love. Paul Walker’s ennui. Kurt Russell’s shadiness. Djimon Hounsou’s terrorism. Minions. Indominus Rex. OK, those last two aren’t there… But the others are woefully under-developed. For example, every single Statham scene is a fight or shootout of some sort. He feels like a video game boss. He was far better utilised in this summer’s Spy. The ambiguous Kurt Russell could have been an incredible ally-turned-villain. But he disappears. His presence has no pay-off. And don’t get me started on Djimon Hounsou – this guy is an Oscar nominee! He’s on screen for about five minutes! He could have easily been replaced by an evil Kurt Russell. And the film would have been better for his absence.

What did I enjoy? Furious 7’s effects were reliably incredible. All the more incredible when you realise they’re practical  – not CGI. Yes, they really did parachute cars from a plane. He really did run on a bus roof – right as it fell off a cliff – before jumping on to a moving car. He really did fire a mini-gun in a crowded urban envi- OK, that last one was probably CGI.

Yet a nagging feeling remains that the series is past its peak. It’s decent. It’s probably the third- or fourth-best in the series. But it lacks a truly unforgettable set piece, like Five’s bank vault or Six’s runway. (I would pay good money to watch Fast: Greatest Hits – all the series’ best stunts, minus dialogue, squashed into two hours.) This is more Fast Paint-By-Numbers. Fast cars – check. Exhilarating chases – check. Swimwear models (in Abu Dhabi!?) – check. Yet James Wan doesn’t have his predecessor’s eye for editing. Too often he cuts too frequently. You lose your sense of perspective. The action loses its impact. It feels like a Bourne clone, minus the shaky-cam.

Of course, there is an elephant in the room: Paul Walker’s tragic death. His real-life car crash shocked audiences and fellow cast members alike. Production ground to a halt for five months. The studio couldn’t cancel the film – they had already spent over one hundred million dollars. I expected his character to be written out completely. I feared that he would be tastelessly killed off. The truth seemed even more grotesque: he would be replaced by a CGI mannequin. Two Walker brothers would provide his eyes and mannerisms. Stunt doubles would cover for his physique. Weta Digital would bring it all together – all for a cool $50 million. Yet I was pleasantly surprised that this CGI was subtle and unobtrusive. More Gladiator than Tron: Legacy. It helped that Weta are the best in the business, creating everything from Gollum to Dawn of the Apes’ Caesar.

The film has the air of an elegy. Straightforward lines developed a newfound poignancy. “Promise me, Brian, no more funerals.” “Just one,” responds Paul Walker. The theme of family underlines how we support one another following tragedy. And this summer, all young Irish people experienced tragedy. The film’s dedication is simple: “For Paul”. His final send-off is fitting and respectful. The closing melody speaks to truth rather than fiction.

“And I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again.”