“Life Finds A Way” The Science and Scientists Behind Jurassic Park It is difficult to underestimate the influence of Jurassic Park (1993) on popular culture. It is hardly an exaggeration to call it the first modern blockbuster. It heralded a…
Jurassic Park
Tagged with: 1993, classic, corzies, dinosaur, film, jurassic park, jurassic world, movie
Posted in film, nineties
Posted in film, nineties
IT (2017)
Sometimes a film arrives at exactly the right time. The China Syndrome came out twelve days before Three Mile Island’s nuclear near-disaster. Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom opened in South Africa one week prior to the great man’s death. And…
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Imagine a time before Star Wars. Before light sabres, Skywalker and the Millennium Falcon. “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.” Imagine a time when these words were unfamiliar. When a bombastic overture inspired awe. When a…
Tagged with: bb-8, corzies, finn, kylo ren, poe, rey, star wars, star wars fan, star wars the force awakens review, stormtrooper, the force awakens
Posted in 2015, film
Posted in 2015, film
Ant-Man
Ant-Man tells the story of one man’s struggle against an evil corporation – Edgar Wright against Marvel Studios. Most of you know Wright as the director of side-splitting British comedies, Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. For his American…
Tagged with: ant-man, antman, avengers, evangeline lilly, marvel, mcu, michael douglas, paul rudd
Posted in 2015
Posted in 2015
Avengers: Age of Ultron
Does the Avengers sequel live up to the original?
Tagged with: amazing spider-man, avengers, captain america, civil war, hulk, iron man, ultron
Posted in 2015
Posted in 2015
STATE QUARTERS
Five a year For ten years. Fifty quarters For fifty states. Fifty million Americans, each Paying twelve dollars fifty. Optimistic. Hopelessly so. Believing their own exceptionalism. Dreaming that their collection Will one day Be worth more Than thirteen bucks. When…
Furious 7
“Why did I ever hang out with these people?” Early in Furious 7, Vin Diesel and Michelle Rodriguez attend a street race: it seems quaint by the series’ now overblown standards. “What’s the point in racing without explosions and deadly…
Tagged with: action, corzies, fast and furious, furious 7, jason statham, kurt russell, minions, paul walker, review, stunts, the rock, universal, vin diesel
Posted in 2015
Posted in 2015
Legend
“Do you think I’m a good actor, Ari?” In HBO’s Entourage, struggling hunk Vincent Chase begs his agent for reaffirmation. “I didn’t sign you because I thought you could act,” replies Ari wryly, “I signed you because you were a…
Tagged with: 60s, east end, emily browning, gangsters, goodfellas, kray twins, krays, la confidential, locke, london, mob, sixties, tom hardy, warrior
Posted in 2015
Posted in 2015
Mad Max: Fury Road
The Godfather Part III. The Matrix Revolutions. The Dark Knight Rises. Film trilogies are littered with disappointing finales. The Mad Max trilogy was a prime example. The 1979 original was a low-budget muscle car flick: think a scaled-down Fast &…
Tagged with: action, babe, charlize theron, corzies, furiosa, furious road, george miller, mad max, outback, tom hardy
Posted in 2015
Posted in 2015
The Diary of a Teenage Girl
“I had sex today. Holy shit.” Opening lines of The Diary of a Teenage Girl. Teen movies are usually like cinema popcorn: buttery and stale. Meanwhile, young adult novels rarely ring true. Their voice is too often that of a…
Tagged with: 70s, Alexander Skarsgard, Bel Powley, comics, Diary of a Teenage Girl, Kristen Wiig, Marielle Heller, nostalgia, san francisco, seventies
Posted in 2015
Posted in 2015
Inside Out
Moving. For an adult – it’s exciting, or tedious. For a child, moving home is traumatic – abandoning all that is familiar, safe and secure. In Pixar’s latest opus, 11-year-old Riley exchanges snowy Minnesota suburbia for a chilly San Francisco…
Cornie Corzie #4
Q. What did Agatha Christie exclaim when her soup began to boil? A. “The pot thickens…” Q. What do you call an English prince who commits career suicide? A. Harry Kiri. Q. How did Elton John travel to Oz? A.…
Cornie Corzie #3
Q. What do tailors do when they get angry? A. Get shirty. Q. What’s Hannah Montana’s real name in Europe? A. Kilometery Cyrus. Q. Which comedian is the father of Mowgli from “The Jungle Book”? A. Will Feral Q. Which…
Cornie Corzie #2
LUTHERAN EDITION! Q. How did Martin Luther handle his 95 Theses? A. He nailed it. Q. What do Martin Luther and Jay-Z have in common? A. 95 problems… Q. Which meeting of the Holy Roman Empire is synonymous with the…
Tagged with: Christian, Christianity, funny, jokes, Lutheran, Martin Luther, Protestant, Reformation
Posted in Jokes
Posted in Jokes
Corny Corzie #1
I’m proud to announce a new series of bite-sized jokes – “Corny Corzie”. Tune in daily to get your Corzie fix. So – without further ado! CORNY CORZIE #1: Q. How do you dance for an Arab oil baron? A.…
It’s A Wonderful Life
The man in the grey overcoat looks over his shoulder. The bridge is empty. No witnesses. He leans over the snow-flecked railing. His eyes widen. The icy black water swells ominously below, beckoning him to come closer, closer… He leans…
Tagged with: angel, blake snyder, christmas, classic, donna reed, frank capra, god, it's a wonderful life, james stewart, jimmy stewart, save the cat, xmas
Posted in film, fourties
Posted in film, fourties
“JAWS: INDIANAPOLIS” SLATED FOR MARCH 2018 RELEASE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE UNIVERSAL PICTURES ANNOUNCES “JAWS: INDIANAPOLIS”, COMING MARCH 2018 _______________________________________ UNIVERSAL CITY, Calif., September 21, 2014 – Universal Pictures today announced their “Jaws: Indianapolis”, the latest installment the Jaws cinematic universe. Steven Spielberg has signed on to produce…
Tagged with: andy serkis, cgi, channing tatum, dc comics, fast and furious, goadzilla, hollywood, jack o'connell, james wan, jaws, jaws indianapolis, paul walker, satire, sequels, sharknado, spielberg, stephen spielberg, universal pictures, universal studios, ww2
Posted in film
Posted in film
Five Favourite Action Movies of the Nineties
#5 Is there a more quintessential Nineties action movie? Fresh off the boat from Hong Kong, Hard Boiled director John Woo announced his Hollywood presence with this confident début. Keep an eye out for the slow-motion flying doves, Woo’s signature…
Tagged with: 007, 1990s, 90s, action, action movies, agent smith, arrnie, best action movies, blue pill, bullet time, carrie-anne moss, cgi, face off, face/off, game of thrones, gary oldman, goldeneye, hard boiled, james bond, james cameron, jean reno, john travolta, john woo, judi dench, keanu reeves, laurence fishbourne, leon, luc besson, matrix reloaded, mi6, natalie portman, nicholas cage, nineties, nintendo 64, pierce brosnan, red pill, robert patrick, schwarzenegger, sean bean, t-1000, taken, terminator, terminator 2, the matrix
Posted in film, nineties
Posted in film, nineties
Edge of Tomorrow
Tom Cruise stars in this inventive, time-bending blockbuster… Tom Cruise stars in this inventive, time-bending- … Tom Cruise stars in this- … Tom Cruise- Let’s start over. It’s an understatement to say Tom Cruise has had a somewhat shaky decade.…
Tagged with: action, alien, aliens, brendan gleeson, corzies, d-day, doug liman, edge of tomorrow, emily blunt, groundhog day, mimics, new movie, normandy, review, sci-fi, source code, tom cruise
Posted in 2014, film
Posted in 2014, film
Five Favourite Romantic Comedies
On February 18th 2012, I listed my “Top 5 Rom-Coms Ever” on Facebook. This was the first time I ever changed my original “Top 10 Films” of the year Corzie formula. I post the raw, unedited result below for your…
Tagged with: 1977, 500 days of summer, amazing spider-man, annie hall, ben affleck, best films, billy crystal, chasing amy, classic, corzies, diane keaton, film review, golden globes, i'll have what she's having, indie flick, indie hit, joseph gordon-levitt, just friends, kevin smith, lars and the real girl, lobster, looper, mark webb, meg ryan, men, my name is earl, new girl, oscar, rom-com, romantic comedy, ryan gosling, sex doll, top 5, when harry met sally, women, woody allen, zooey deschanel
Posted in eighties, film, nineties, noughties, seventies
Posted in eighties, film, nineties, noughties, seventies
Godzilla (2014)
Every summer, one film promises greatness. In 2014, that film is Godzilla. In 2013 it was Man of Steel. In 2012, Prometheus. See a pattern? All massive disappointments. All the reviews I’ve written thus far on this website have been…
Tagged with: 1998, 2014, aaron taylor-johnson, amazing spider-man, blockbuster, blue jasmine, bryan cranston, comic-con, corzies, elizabeth olsen, film review, flop, fukushima, garth evans, godzilla, hit, japan, Ken Watanabe, kick-ass, king of monsters, lizard, nuke, nukes, radiation, roland emmerich, sally hawkins, spider-man, woody allen
Posted in 2014, film
Posted in 2014, film
Frozen
Yes, I know Frozen came out way back in November 2013. Let it go. I deliberately put off seeing the film for three months. After the release of Kung Fu Panda 2, I convinced myself that I was finally…
Tagged with: animated movie, anna, broadway, disney, disney movie, Elsa, fairytale, frozen, frozen review, hans christen anderson, Harry Potter, ice queen, kids movie, kristoff, let it go, olaf, oscars, princesses, review, snowman
Posted in 2013, film
Posted in 2013, film
Blue Velvet
“I can’t figure out if you’re a detective or a pervert.” “Well that’s for me to know and you to find out.” In 1977, the yet unknown David Lynch made his surrealist debut feature Eraserhead: a film about the terrifying fear…
Tagged with: 1986, blue velvet, corzies, david lynch, dune, eighties, eraserhead, masterpiece, masterworks, surreal
Posted in eighties, film
Posted in eighties, film
Philomena
Conventional wisdom dictates that you need two things to make a box office smash: A Hollywood star – and a simplistic, action-heavy plot. Look no further than The Wolverine (Hugh Jackman, ninjas). Or Elysium (Matt Damon, futuristic gunfights). Or The…
Tagged with: catholic, frears, judy dench, magdalene, oscars, philomena, steve coogan
Posted in 2013, film
Posted in 2013, film
Land and Sky
Out the Gate, The Runway Bare: Rev the Engines, Sail the Air. Below Cars gleam, Roofs naught but Rust We leave grey City In Our Dust. Past jagged Coastline Lies Untamed Sea Blind from Cloud… Sky breaks Free. I Fasten…
Posted in Poetry
Welcome to Corzies.com
Welcome one and all to the home of the Corzies. I am excited to present all my film reviews on one complete website. Corzies.com will be updated regularly throughout the year for your viewing pleasure, with film (and video game)…
#1: Looper
Looper is set in a futuristic world where time-travel is illegal, telekinesis is commonplace and Joseph Gordon-Levitt is Bruce Willis. Nope, I still don’t see it. Even with well-rehearsed mannerisms, even with three hours’ worth of make-up, JGL bears only…
#2: SHAME
EVERYWHERE IN CHAINS Michael Fassbender is the only actor who can do full-frontal nudity… from behind. Michael. Fassbender. It’s hard to think back to before he was a Hollywood star. But as recently as 2008, he was a Kerry bartender…
#3: Amour
LOVE’S LABOURS LOST I was late getting out the the Lighthouse Cinema in Smithfield. But my friend reassured me that “nothing much happened” in Amour’s first five minutes. The same could be said about its next 120 minutes. That’s not…
#4: Argo
The 2012 CORZIES return after an over-long hiatus with: “ARGO: Fake Movie, True Story.” In one way I’m glad this review was delayed for months. Now I can tell my story. You know the one… January 10th 2013. The Oscar…
Two and a Half Megabytes
This day twenty years ago, a former juvenile delinquent (and future rocket scientist) uploaded a piece of free software onto the University of Wisconsin’s servers. Ten thousand people immediately scrambled to download it. Within minutes, the servers had crashed. They…
The Lunatics
They gaze upon this timeless sphere: It bounds element from aether. As cloud above begins to clear On knowing they do teeter. Now gilded angels leap across Magnificent desolation. A billion souls bear witness to The triumph of a nation.…
#5: The Master
“That’s a pussy. A lady’s pussy… That’s two pussies, touching – see, right there… That’s a cock going into a pussy… That’s a cock, only upside-down.” All right, that’s enough RedTube for one night… These are actually Freddie Quell’s (Joaquin…
#6: The Avengers
I love how “The Avengers” blatantly rips off Power Rangers. Every hero has a set of casual clothes which is somehow colour co-ordinated with his costume. Bruce Banner (Hulk) has a purple shirt. Steve Rogers (Cap) wears a blue…
Tagged with: #6, avengers, black widow, captain america, iron man, joss whedon, thor
Posted in 2012, film
Posted in 2012, film
#7: Killer Joe
In a rare move, the MPAA awarded “Killer Joe” an NC-17 certificate, the American equivalent of 18. It cited the film’s “graphic disturbing content involving brutality, violence and sexuality”. That was all I needed to hear before I bought myself…
#8: The Raid
The Raid is the second-best Welsh-directed Indonesian martial arts action movie that I’ve seen this year. All right. It’s the best. But honestly, how many non-Bollywood films ever come out of Asia? And the films that do are usually…
#9: Margaret
Most people fall into two camps when they think of Anna Paquin. Either they see her as Rogue from the “X-Men” trilogy, a streak of white through her black hair. Or they picture her as Sookie Stackhouse from HBO’s “True…
#10: The Muppets
Philosophers, theologists and scientists have tried for centuries to define the concept of “the soul”. That intangible object which separates humans from mere animals. It’s my humble opinion that the answer lies in our unique ability to appreciate, and love,…
The Scarecrow
The old man proudly dressed him In familiar, moth-eaten clothes And tasked him to watch over the cornfield. The scarecrow’s back, as straight as its rod. He held his chin held high And relished his grimace. For a while it…
Pyrrhic Victory
On the battlefield Lie the dead. A reminder. Why did I want this?
The Walking Dead
“Hey, hey – what are you playing at here? These are the Corzies for Christ’s sake! They command dignity and respect! They’re awards for film – the universal art form. You can’t just go and tarnish them by –” I’ll…
Penny Black
Treasured above all’cause of her imperfectionsNot in spite of them.
Inferno
First the cynics, who live without hope Then those who were swept by desire. Next inner emptiness of those who can’t cope; Fools and hoarder too, doomed to this fire. The bitter are here, still not letting go; As are…
On The Shelf
Hands bound and feet bound. Looking out my plastic cage; Other toys are freed.
Shore Leave
Boot camp: a distant memory to some, A figment of imagination others others. All we know is this port to which we’ve come Laying down our arms alongside our brothers. Many eat and drink to their heart’s content While others…
The Iceman
A prince In his own time. Blond and proud The world his oyster. The throne awaited him Or so he was told. Absorbed in fantasies Of being more than he then was. He dreamed Of being a king. Grey clouds…
Lighthouse
There never was a formal exchange. No passing of a baton. No palming of the keys. One day I chose to leave that warm and cosy room. And ventured up the winding stairs, Ascending, clockwise. As time itself marched on.…
The Sapling
There’s a sapling That’s been growing in my garden. For quite some time. It seems weak. Fragile. And bare. It has nothing to offer. Nothing to give. The grass around it grows tall and wild. It can’t be tamed, coaxed…
#1: Black Swan
Intensity. Passion. Rapture. And that’s just the lesbian sex scene. Black Swan is undoubtedly my favourite film of this year. Natalie Portman had her breakout performance at the tender age of 13 in the captivating Léon: The Professional.…
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